Returning to Life After a Pandemic
Pretty soon, it will be time to get back out there. Many people are already dipping their toes in the water. Like a child peeping out from her hiding place during a hide-and-seek game, we are hesitantly emerging, unsure if it’s safe. We return to the outside world battered and grief-stricken, each with bruises from the past year.
As a therapist, I can see that my clients are apprehensive. Daily outings that previously felt normal are now laden with complicated feelings that can sometimes be overwhelming. One day, a mother shared her guilt over taking her daughter to an outdoor playground, a grandmother expressed fear over starting to drive again, and a young professional cried at the thought of returning to a toxic office environment. It won’t be easy.
Quarantine requirements have had their upside, especially for the more introverted among us. Many workers who stayed home, clad in flannel pajama pants and a blazer, were relieved to avoid cubicle chatter and office politics. Virtual learning offered one upside for moms who dread forced mingling at school pickup. Single adults who face the constant pressure to put themselves out there finally got a break from guilt-induced outings. And some seniors are really okay spending their golden years cozying up on the couch with a good book or Oprah on Apple TV. Even the extraverts were temporarily unhindered by FOMO.
Let’s be clear: we didn’t choose to stay inside our homes for months on end, so even those of us who were pleased at the prospect were also, at times, resentful and afraid. As humans, we do not like our choices taken away from us. In his book, The Paradox of Choice, author Barry Schwartz opens his chapter on choice and happiness, stating, “Freedom and autonomy are critical to our well-being.”
Not to mention, just outside our door was a deadly disease that has killed over 560,000 Americans and injured countless others. We have also seen hard truths about racism and injustice in America, causing us to question ourselves and our most fundamental relationships. A floundering and untrusting government left us with little support on these matters. This is all on the macro level. On each street corner and in each home, there are individuals suffering from catastrophic loss. We are a grieving nation.
It’s no wonder that going to the grocery store or playground can feel as daunting as hiking the Appalachian Trail. It’s perfectly normal if you’re not ready. It’s okay if it takes time. Like an athlete returning to a sport after an injury, you can still play but re-enter slowly and respect the bruises you’ve sustained. Have faith that there will be slight improvements over time, and get help if needed. Professional and social support can be a critical factor in healing. Athletes often have a whole team dedicated to their recovery.
Grief isn’t linear. As anyone who has lost a loved one knows, it comes in waves. Some days may feel more manageable, and others like wading through concrete. As you would with a friend, offer yourself compassion. It’s okay to say no to social engagements, even if you’re all fully vaccinated. It’s also perfectly fine to continue spending nights at home working through British murder mysteries.
For those that question, will things go back to normal again? Things will never be how they were. We can’t unsee truths that have been revealed or undo the pain of loss and sacrifice. We will return to the grocery store, to restaurants, and to offices and family gatherings, even as loved ones are notably missing. Let’s allow the mundane constructs of life to comfort us and usher us back to the business of living.